Total F@<&ing Catastrophe

Recently (well, a while ago), Ajahn and I went on another tudong together, but don’t worry, that wasn’t the total f@<&ing catastrophe. I’ll get to that in a minute, but since it’s been such a long time (and because you might assume all I’ve been doing lately is wandering around), let me give you a run down of what’s been happening lately: a stupa is being built, a garage has been built, several new trails and roads have been built, dozens of pine trees have been felled, a few new bridges have been built, several new water tanks have been installed, and lots of new piping went into the ground…and those were just the “big projects.” We didn’t do all of this ourselves, we’ve had handfuls of contractors in and out for some stuff, but this means that we’ve had to juggle everybody who comes in as well as keep our own projects running smoothly. Contractors are a big help, especially for the projects that don’t come naturally to a monk and a few meditators, but we also kept our hands busy with several minor projects along with the normal monastery upkeep. As usual, there has been plenty going on to keep us out of boredom’s grip, but every day I’ve been impressed with the rapid pace of progress around the property. It also makes every moment of meditation time that much more precious.

Somehow, in the midst of all of this mad development, Ajahn and I found 10 days in early April that did not require our presence, so we packed our things and slipped out the back door for a little tudong wandering. This tudong was great, similar in some ways to my tudong with Mudito, but a bit slower paced. We spent the majority of most days in solitary meditation, which was great and a welcome period of relaxation. We headed north, spending the first few days in the Waitakere range, an area I have come to know and love well, and continued north from there. Ajahn has gone on tudong a few times up north, so he has a few contacts who we called in on during our travels-- an always interesting experience. As you might guess, a Buddhist monk, with his unconventional lifestyle, tends to attract others living outside of the norm… which is a vast expanse. The common thread among all of these folks was the fact that they were all meditators attempting to live their lives in a conscious manor, which is totally respectable and exciting, but that broad description is about the extent of the similarities. Living consciously is very important in any day and age, particularly now with all of our opportunities and challenges, but I quickly discovered that different conscious people can be conscious of very, very different aspects of life. The first of our conscious contacts was a really cool cell biologist, university professor, public speaker, New York Times best seller, and fellow American named Dr. Bruce Lipton. After a period of 20 years of research, Dr. Lipton stumbled upon a way to prove how our conditioning, beliefs, and outlook on life affects our cells (ie: our health, well-being, and biological make-up), as opposed to the common belief that only genes control our cells. Bruce has gone on to present his findings, as well as his suggestions of the importance of mindfulness and conscious existence (essentially the fundamental basis of Buddhism) to crowds all over the US, Australia, NZ, and Europe, and has become a key figure in the field of what he calls “New Biology.” Anyway, aside from all these impressive credentials, he’s a real cool and funny guy, and he and his wife gave us a ton of free food which is always a major bonus while on tudong. We had a great visit with Bruce and his wife full of interesting discussions that a conscious biologist and mindful monk may have, but let me get to my catastrophic point: Bruce is pretty sure that most American citizens, and western cultures in general, are in fact NOT living very consciously, and thus our economic system and materialistic way of life will very soon change very drastically and, boom, TOTAL F@<&ING CATASTROPHY!!! He actually happens to see this as a somewhat positive thing, as it will wake people up to what’s really important in life, but once the catastrophe hits, things ain’t going to be pretty for a while. He encouraged us at the monastery to prepare for such an event by preparing a year or two worth of supplies: food being the big one, as well as lumber, hardware, warm clothing, and so on. Ajahn and I agreed that, hey, it wouldn’t hurt and there is plenty of land on the monastery, and in fact Ajahn has already been stocking basic supplies for the last couple of years. You don’t have to be a survivalist conspiracy theorist to want to survive during the catastrophe, right?

Interestingly, as we went along meeting up with each of our contacts, they were each as friendly, warm, energetic, welcoming… and each had their own theory for TOTAL F@<&ING CATASTROPHY! (TFC for short). Funny enough, those exact words were used on more than one occasion. Each theory was pretty unique, but there was a general consensus that we are on the brink of a major change. By the way, do you know about the secret history of milk? Apparently, raw milk from a good source is actually much better for you than pasteurized milk, and can actually help prevent many diseases, but politics, debates, conflicting farmers, conflicting doctors, payoffs, assassinations, and espionage (ok, maybe not those last two) lead to pasteurization becoming the standard and thus our belief that it’s the only safe way. I drank raw milk and ate natural yoghurt made from raw milk for two days, provided by John, our host in Whangarei, and I felt great. Please don’t take my word for it, remember I can write anything I want, I’m just a guy on the internet, but do some research, become aware! The history of pasteurized milk may not be part of the TFC, but it’s an interesting history which can be confirmed, and is an example of something that I took for granted as a safety issue, but in fact has a deeper story which I only just discovered. That’s why it’s worth it to live consciously, aware of what you eat and drink, what you wear, where you live, how you live, and what you require to live. I eat grains a lot, you probably do too… it’s pretty basic sustenance for, like, yeah everybody, but do you know where your grains are produced? Do you know how to produce grain? If you wanted to, could you grow enough grains in your immediate area to survive on? Never mind the rest of the food I want/need in my diet, how the hell do I get what I consider to be my most basic food and what if something happened to that source or the transportation between me and it? Alright, so this is beginning to sound like some survivalist conspiracy theory again… but it doesn’t hurt to ask, right? Better to think about it once for a second then never think about it at all, because it’s interesting anyway and it’s something that is part of my life every single day.

Like I said, as we went along, the list of things to become conscious of and the potential TFCs became increasingly long. Have you heard of chem trails? Look it up. Peak oil? Look it up. Sources of fresh water, and the decline of fresh water? Look it up. Global warming/climate change is pretty well discussed these days, but look it up some more anyway. Japan is a good example of the potential downfalls of nuclear power; where is the closest nuclear power plant? Are the emergency plans for that plant any better than in Japan? And how about Planet X? Look it up. Even if you don’t want to buy into any of these speculations, the weather, just look at the weather. And then of course there’s always the dirty, God-awful terrorists (or socialists or non-conformists or whatever -ists we’re targeting these days) lurking in the shadows. I’m telling you people, TOTAL F@<&ING CATASTROPHY! It’s around every corner. So look, not even counting the general benefits of living mindfully, you might become aware of how your actions may be contributing to a future TFC, or how your life would change if one hit, and what you might have to do to survive. There are a ton of conspiracy theories out there, but the real conspirator COULD BE YOU! You just have to look at how you live your life and the implications your lifestyle holds. Conspiracy theories are meant to point blame at one person or organization or conglomeration, but the fact is that those bad people, organizations, and conglomerations are probably part of the system you pump your hard earned dollars into. Check yourself before you wreck yourself, yo. It’s hard to do, I’m just as guilty as most, but that doesn’t mean we can’t start, today, to pay more attention.

So after hearing all of these TFC scenarios, I was a little torn about which one I was rooting for. I mean each one is as unlikely (or likely!) as the other, and I can’t realistically prepare for ALL of them, so I might as well just go ahead and put all of my eggs in one TFC basket, right? I was mentally going down the list, trying to rule out the ones that seemed irrational or not fun (no use preparing for a lame TFC), when Armin, a German in Kerikeri gave me the bamboo scenario. Listen to this, it’s going to change your entire life. Apparently, every 80 to 120 years bamboo flowers and goes to seed. Some species are more frequent, like every 18 years or so, but for the vast majority it’s up there around 100 years. This is a natural defense for the bamboo, because rodents and stuff like to eat the seeds, so rather than spending a lot of energy every year producing seeds just to be eaten, the bamboo (somehow) organizes itself to do one massive, orchestrated flowering to catch the rodents by surprise and ensure at least a few [thousand] seeds germinate. Alright, that totally makes sense and totally works for natural bamboo forests. But think about how much bamboo we have planted all over the world, and how much bamboo has come to places it has never been before 80 years ago. The theory goes: Any day now (because we’re well within the potential flowering time), all that bamboo is going to flower at the same time, all throughout the world, and is going to set millions of seeds all over all of our most fertile land (crops, grazing land, native forests, totally unique ecosystems, etc). The seeds will take off, and if you know anything about bamboo, you know most species send out runners and it spreads like disease, choking out other plant life, and is terribly difficult to control… here comes the chorus, put your hands up in the air and sing it with me: “TOTAL F@<&ING CATASTROPHY!” Nuclear holocaust, global warming, burning down the rainforest to raise Burger King cattle, feverously depleting non-renewable natural resources? No, man’s downfall was none of these things those brainiack hippie scientists predicted and gave us so much grief about. Man’s downfall was bamboo’s natural defense mechanism. You could even say we were…BAMBOOZOLED??!! (if nothing else in this blog post has made you LOLz, you have to give it up for that one)

So the point is that life as we know it could end any time for any one reason from a mile long list of logical and illogical reasons. I’m not saying life could end at any time—well, actually it could, but we’re not concerned with that because our hands are kinda tied if we’re dead anyway. But life as we know it could end, meaning you might not be able to get your grain from the same place, you might not be able to rely on gasoline or propane as heavily, you might have to learn very quickly how to survive without the tools you use for survival right now. If major farming operations became obsolete, would you know how to produce food? Most important in my mind is that human beings have been learning and passing on information about how to survive for thousands of years, but within the last few generations, it seems to me that we’ve let most of that information fall away from us. Yes, there are easier and more effect ways of life and production than ever before, and it makes complete sense to live within the capabilities of our improvements, but man, what if something changes? Many people, including me, would have a very difficult time adjusting, but it may come down to a do/know/learn or die situation. Like I’ve said, if nothing else, I find it interesting and beneficial to look at and be mindful of my daily actions and necessities, find out how those things affect me and the world around me, and try to fathom how I might be able to adjust to radical changes if they were to come. Don’t get scared, please don’t start buying guns and stocking ammo, don’t invest in secret underground layers, don’t build an escape pod to the moon; just get real. AND STOP PLANTING BAMBOO!